The Difference Between Coping and Healing – and Why it Matters

October 18, 2025 By Jessica Guobis, MA, CAADC-DP

Many people come to therapy believing that if they can just cope better, they’ll feel better. But coping and healing are not the same. Coping helps you survive, but healing helps you change. Coping manages the symptoms of pain, while healing transforms the source of it. Both are valuable, but they function differently. In this post, we’ll explore the crucial difference between coping and healing, why it matters for your emotional growth, and how therapy can help you move beyond survival toward genuine, lasting well-being.

What Is Coping?

Coping strategies are the things we do to manage distress in the moment. They don’t necessarily change the root cause of our pain, but they make it more bearable and keep us afloat when the waves feel too strong.

Coping can look like:

• Going for a walk to calm racing thoughts
  
• Journaling to release emotions
  
• Practicing deep breathing to regulate anxiety
  
• Distracting yourself with a favorite show when emotions feel overwhelming
  
• Reaching out to a trusted friend for comfort
  

These tools are not meant to “fix” the pain. They’re meant to soothe, contain, or redirect it so that we can function and move through our daily lives without being consumed by distress.

Coping is incredibly important, especially when life feels overwhelming. For someone healing from trauma for instance, coping skills may be the first lifeline they develop in therapy. Before we can address deep wounds, we need the ability to regulate ourselves enough to feel safe.

But coping has its limits, like a bandage on a cut. The bandage protects the wound and prevents it from worsening, but it doesn’t make the cut go away.

What Is Healing?

Healing goes beyond symptom management. Healing is about addressing the root cause of the wound, integrating it, and creating lasting change. It’s about repairing, not just covering up.

Healing might involve:

• Processing past trauma in therapy
  
• Working through grief instead of pushing it aside
  
• Learning to reframe core beliefs that keep you stuck in cycles of shame or fear
  
• Rebuilding trust in yourself after experiencing a betrayal

• Allowing yourself to feel emotions you’ve been avoiding
  

Healing is slower and more difficult than coping because it requires us to face the things we’ve tried so hard to avoid. It means tolerating discomfort. And, unlike coping, which provides short-term relief, healing is permanent.

Why We Need Both

Sometimes people get stuck thinking they should always be “healing.” They feel guilty for using coping skills, as if it means they aren’t strong enough to face their pain head-on. On the other hand, some people get stuck in coping mode, leaning only on distraction or avoidance and never moving toward true healing.

But the truth is, we need both. Coping helps us stay safe enough to do the work of healing. Healing helps us reduce the need for coping over time.

Imagine someone grieving a deep loss. In the early days, coping might be all he or she can manage, breathing through the day, taking walks, leaning on friends, or keeping busy just to get by. That’s not weakness; that’s survival.

But as time passes, healing means beginning to actually sit with the grief by allowing the tears, talking through memories, making meaning out of the loss. Coping and healing weave together in a cycle, each serving a different role depending on what the person needs in the moment.

Are You Relying on Maladaptive Coping?

Coping is helps us survive, but sometimes it can cause more harm than good. This is called maladaptive coping, and it usually happens when a coping strategy becomes the only way we handle stress or emotions.

Some examples might look like:

• Avoidance or distraction: Binge-watching shows, playing video games incessantly, scrolling endlessly on your phone, or staying busy to avoid thinking about painful feelings. These might feel helpful in the moment, but if they keep you from processing important emotions, they can prolong suffering.
  
• Substance use or overeating: Drinking alcohol, using drugs, or overeating to numb emotions may feel like relief at first, but over time, these behaviors can create new problems and make healing harder.
  
• Perfectionism or overworking: Pouring yourself into work or projects to avoid feeling. It might get you results, but it can lead to burnout and prevent you from connecting with your feelings or with loved ones.
  
• People-pleasing or emotional avoidance in relationships: Constantly trying to keep others happy or avoiding conflict to keep the peace may reduce tension short-term, but it can prevent honest connection and leave you feeling angry, bad about yourself, and  invisible.
  

Maladaptive coping isn’t a moral failing but a sign that you’re trying your best to manage difficult emotions with the tools you have. The good news is that recognizing when coping is no longer serving you is the first step toward change. 

This is when individual therapy is most helpful: When you’ve used all of your coping mechanisms and you still feel bad.

Moving Toward Healing

If you’ve been living in coping mode for a long time, the idea of healing might feel intimidating. Here are some gentle ways to begin shifting:

1. Notice your patterns. When do you tend to rely on coping? What kinds of coping mechanisms do you use? Are there situations where you feel strong enough to think about uncomfortable feelings?
   
2. Practice self-compassion. Healing requires patience. Remind yourself that coping isn’t “bad.” It’s what kept you alive.
   
3. Seek support. Healing often happens in connection. A therapist, support group, or trusted loved one can help you in ways you may not expet.
   
4. Pace yourself. Healing doesn’t have to mean ripping the bandage off all at once. You can gently uncover wounds, one layer at a time, at your own pace.
   
5. Acknowledge progress. Every time you sit with discomfort instead of avoiding it, you’re getting stronger. Celebrate the small steps.

Final Thoughts

Coping and healing are not opposites; they are partners. Coping gives us the strength to survive the moment, while healing allows us to transform and grow over time. Both are part of the human journey.

If you find yourself relying heavily on coping, it doesn’t mean you’re failing at healing. It means you’re protecting yourself until you’re ready. And if you’re diving into healing, remember that it’s okay to step back into coping when it feels overwhelming.

Healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about finding new ways to carry it, with more gentleness, more resilience, and more courage.

Jessica Guobis, MA, CAADC-DP is an individual therapist who focuses on helping her clients understand how stress, early experiences and trauma impact the nervous system and how those patterns can be rewired to promote healing and balance. Inquire about scheduling an appointment with Jessica.