What Is Attachment? How Early Bonds Shape Your Emotional Well-Being

How Attachment Patterns Sabotage Your Happiness—and How to Break FreeHow Your Attachment Patterns Sabotage Your Happiness (and How to Break Free)

July 30, 2025 By Lena Agree JD, PsyD

If you struggle with feelings of depression, flatness, anxiety, anger, or other unpleasant symptoms, you have your attachment system to blame. Attachment is an innate, unconscious system that tells you from infancy, that you must stay close to your your parents because you need them to protect you from physical danger, illness and overwhelming emotional distress (Bowlby 1988). This is what makes little kids cling to their moms in public places. They just know, “Mom keeps me alive.” This isn’t learned behavior; it’s more like an instinct. It gets “turned on” in response to real or perceived threats to your survival and well-being, such as when you’re tired, hungry, or frightened, or separated from your parents.  The problem is, it…