Dr. Lena Agree, JD, PsyD – Licensed Psychologist and AssociatesDr. Lena Agree, JD, PsyD – Licensed Psychologist and Associates

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How to Change into the Person You Wish You Were

How to Change into the Person You Wish You Were

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Written by Jodi Leib Coden, MA When you envision your life five, 10, or even 25 years into the future – who’s standing there waiting for you? Most of us immediately picture others: a loving partner, playful children, colleagues and friends, and maybe even a loyal pet. You may imagine achievements such as winning an award, having a happy and healthy marriage, or building your dream house. But the most powerful aspect of that vision isn’t what’s around you – it’s who you’re becoming. Not just a richer or more successful you, but a wiser, more grounded, more fully embodied version of yourself. The you who’s walked through the chaos of today and emerged on the other side – radiant,…

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Seeking Greater Intimacy? Think About Sex.

Seeking Greater Intimacy? Think About Sex.

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Try this experiment: Place your full attention on something  sexual for several minutes and then think about it for a little while. Afterwards, take notice if you seem to be more talkative. New research cited in a recent article by Elizabeth Bernstein says you will be. And, notably, it suggests that you will also be more inclined to reveal aspects of yourself to those with whom you converse. Apparently, thinking about sex motivates us to seek connection with others by making us chattier about ourselves. The cycle of emotional intimacy According to Dr. Birnbaum, the studies’ lead researcher, “Thinking about sex starts a positive cycle of emotional intimacy: When you think about sex and then disclose personal information, the other person likes you more. If the attraction…

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How to Talk to Your Teenagers So They’ll Actually Listen and Love You

How to Talk to Your Teenagers So They’ll Actually Listen and Love You

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Your child’s brain grows until about age 25. During the teenage years, the brain undergoes vast neurological changes. Parenting teenagers through this storm of dramatic mood swings and behavior shifts may sometimes seem impossible. The good news is you don’t have to be an expert. If you take an active interest in your teen’s mental experience, and seek to understand him with sensitivity and genuine curiosity, you will maintain access to his internal world while contributing to his emotional resilience. Engage, empathize, investigate Perhaps the most important step you can take when you notice distress in your child is to stop what you are doing, give her your full attention, and empathize with her feelings. (This does not require you to agree with the reasons, or even fully understand…

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How to Tell if the Man in Your Life is Depressed (and if You Could Be Too)

How to Tell if the Man in Your Life is Depressed (and if You Could Be Too)

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Do you suspect that a man in your life may be depressed? Unlike women, who are often sad or weepy when depressed, men typically exhibit anger, irritability or complain of “stress.” This is in addition to other depressive symptoms, including loss of interest or pleasure; either sluggishness or agitation; change in sleep, appetite or concentration; feelings of guilt or worthlessness and recurrent thoughts of death. Five or more of these symptoms for 2 consecutive weeks could signal a depressive disorder. However, depressive symptoms aren’t limited to the bouts of moodiness described above. Some people have a “depressive personality,” which can manifest early in life and just kind of “simmer.” There are 2 subtypes of this form of depression: Introjectively depressed people…

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The False Promise of Forgiveness

The False Promise of Forgiveness

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People often come to my office wishing to forgive someone, but feeling unsettled because despite their efforts, it hasn’t happened, and they are frustrated and confused. Their distress over forgiveness often brings to mind my favorite quote on the subject: My frame of mind is most peaceful. My wishes are: a modest hut, a thatched roof, but a good bed, good food, milk and butter – very fresh, flowers in front of my window, beautiful trees outside my door and if the good Lord wishes to make me completely happy, he lets me have the joy of seeing hanged on those trees about six or seven of my enemies. Deeply moved, I shall forgive them before they die, all the…

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What is Great Sex (Part 2)

What is Great Sex (Part 2)

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In Part 1 of this article, I reviewed a study of individuals who characterized their sex lives as “great.” [1] In that study, researchers interviewed SM practitioners, people over age 65 in long-term relationships, and professional sex therapists. They then extrapolated from their descriptions six components of optimal sex. Part 1 of this article examined the first three: Presence, Authenticity and Intense emotional connection. Here I discuss the remaining three: Sexual and Erotic intimacy, Communication and Transcendence. As in Part 1, the following italicized descriptions are excerpts from the study (numbered headings are mine).             Participants spoke about the importance of a deep sense of caring for one another, regardless of the duration of the relationship; getting to know the…

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