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Sex

Seeking Greater Intimacy? Think About Sex.

Seeking Greater Intimacy? Think About Sex.

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Try this experiment: Place your full attention on something  sexual for several minutes and then think about it for a little while. Afterwards, take notice if you seem to be more talkative. New research cited in a recent article by Elizabeth Bernstein says you will be. And, notably, it suggests that you will also be more inclined to reveal aspects of yourself to those with whom you converse. Apparently, thinking about sex motivates us to seek connection with others by making us chattier about ourselves. The cycle of emotional intimacy According to Dr. Birnbaum, the studies’ lead researcher, “Thinking about sex starts a positive cycle of emotional intimacy: When you think about sex and then disclose personal information, the other person likes you more. If the attraction…

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What is Great Sex (Part 2)

What is Great Sex (Part 2)

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In Part 1 of this article, I reviewed a study of individuals who characterized their sex lives as “great.” [1] In that study, researchers interviewed SM practitioners, people over age 65 in long-term relationships, and professional sex therapists. They then extrapolated from their descriptions six components of optimal sex. Part 1 of this article examined the first three: Presence, Authenticity and Intense emotional connection. Here I discuss the remaining three: Sexual and Erotic intimacy, Communication and Transcendence. As in Part 1, the following italicized descriptions are excerpts from the study (numbered headings are mine). Sexual and Erotic Intimacy             Participants spoke about the importance of a deep sense of caring for one another, regardless of the duration of the relationship;…

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What is great sex? (Part 1)

What is great sex? (Part 1)

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          I have a question for you . . . . .       Can you recall the best sex you ever had? What made it great? Chances are it wasn’t the technique you read in Cosmo or GQ. It was likely something less tangible – perhaps indescribable. The definition of great sex has been largely ignored by the scientific community. However, one study stands out as a conscientious attempt to explore this important topic.[1] In it, researchers interviewed 3 divergent groups of people, all of whom characterized their sex lives as “great”: (a) SM practitioners (people who practice consensual sexual bondage, domination, sadism and masochism), (b) Individuals over age 65 in long-term relationships, and (c)…

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