10 Signs You’re Carrying More Stress Than You Realize
10 Signs You’re Carrying More Stress Than You Realize
As a therapist, one of the things I hear most often is some version of this sentence: “I didn’t realize how stressed I was until I finally slowed down.” Sometimes people don’t notice until they’re sitting in my office, describing their week, and suddenly connecting the dots between headaches, irritability, restless nights, and constant tension. Other times they come in convinced that their “problem” is laziness, relationship conflict, or a lack of motivation when, in reality, stress is quietly pulling the strings in the background.
Stress is sneaky like that. We expect it to look like long nights at work, panic attacks, or obvious overwhelm. But often, it disguises itself in subtle everyday ways that don’t immediately register as “stress.” If left unchecked these smaller signs can snowball into burnout, emotional exhaustion, or physical illness.
I want to share some of the less obvious signs you may be carrying more stress than you realize. My hope is that reading through these sparks a moment of recognition where you might think, “Oh, that sounds familiar. Maybe my body and mind have been trying to tell me something.”
1. Your patience runs thin over the small things
When we’re stressed it’s rarely the “big” event that sets us off. Instead, it’s the little things, the coffee order that takes too long, the traffic jam on the way home, the partner who leaves their dishes in the sink. If you find yourself snapping more easily or feeling unreasonably irritated it may not be about the small event at all.
Think of stress like water filling a cup. The bigger stressors (work deadlines, financial worries, relationship struggles) are the first to pour in. But once that cup is nearly full, even the tiniest drop…a slow driver or a misplaced pen can cause it to overflow.
If your reactions feel bigger than the situation calls for, it’s worth asking yourself whether the cup is already close to spilling.
2. Your sleep feels off, even if you’re “tired enough”
Sleep is often the first place stress shows up. Sometimes it’s obvious like lying awake with racing thoughts. Other times it’s more subtle: you fall asleep quickly but wake up multiple times, or you wake in the morning feeling just as exhausted as when you went to bed.
Stress activates the body’s fight-or-flight system which doesn’t just shut off at bedtime. Even if your conscious mind thinks you’re ready for rest, your nervous system may still be humming with alertness. Pay attention to whether your sleep feels restorative. If it doesn’t, stress may be interfering behind the scenes.
3. You find yourself “checking out” more often
Do you scroll on your phone for hours without realizing it? Rewatch the same show you’ve already seen five times because you don’t have the energy to pay attention to something new? Zone out in conversations or forget why you walked into a room?
These moments of “checking out” can be your brain’s way of conserving energy. When stress is high our system works overtime to keep us functioning. To compensate the brain sometimes forces little pockets of disengagement, where it can briefly rest. While this coping mechanism isn’t inherently bad, it’s worth noticing if it becomes your default mode.
4. Your body feels tense without you realizing it
Stress doesn’t only live in the mind; it lodges in the body. I often ask clients, “Where do you feel stress in your body?” and most people immediately notice tight shoulders, clenched jaws, or knots in their stomach.
But many don’t notice until I ask. It’s easy to walk around with a stiff neck or shallow breathing and dismiss it as “normal.” The body is constantly sending messages, but if we’re used to pushing through we tend to ignore them.
Try this right now: unclench your jaw, drop your shoulders, and take a deep breath into your belly. Did you feel tension release? If so, that tension has likely been living there unnoticed for a while.
5. You’re more forgetful or scattered than usual
Stress impacts working memory and concentration. Maybe you’ve noticed yourself misplacing your keys more often, rereading the same sentence three times, or struggling to finish tasks that used to feel easy.
This doesn’t mean you’re lazy or “bad at adulting.” It means your brain is carrying too much. Stress diverts cognitive resources toward survival mode, which makes it harder to focus on the details of daily life. If you’ve been self-critical about your forgetfulness, it might be worth softening the judgment and recognizing that stress could be the culprit.
One of the subtler effects of chronic stress is that joy becomes harder to access. You may still do the activities you enjoy—seeing friends, gardening, playing with your kids—but you notice they feel flat. The spark is missing.
6. You don’t enjoy things the way you used to
This can be confusing because nothing is “wrong” with the activity itself. Instead, your nervous system is preoccupied with managing stress, which leaves less capacity to feel pleasure and presence. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re depressed (though stress and depression can overlap). It may simply mean your system is overloaded, and joy is getting dulled as a result.
7. You minimize your stress by comparing it to others
I hear this one constantly: “I shouldn’t be this stressed. It could be worse.”
Comparison convinces us that our stress isn’t valid, which ironically adds even more pressure. Instead of tending to your needs, you dismiss them, thinking stress is only “real” if it looks catastrophic. But stress is stress, no matter the cause. Your body and mind don’t grade it on a scale of worthiness.
If you catch yourself downplaying your struggles because “someone else has it harder,” take that as a sign you may be carrying more than you admit.
8. Your coping strategies feel more like numbing
We all need ways to relax and recharge. But when stress runs high our go-to strategies can subtly shift from healthy coping to numbing.
Instead of enjoying a glass of wine with dinner, you find yourself needing several just to feel calm. Instead of taking a short scroll on your phone, you lose hours mindlessly swiping. Instead of going for a walk to clear your head, you avoid responsibilities altogether.
The difference is intention. Coping restores; numbing avoids. If your downtime activities feel more like escape than replenishment, it might be stress signaling that it needs a more direct outlet.
9. You get sick more often
Chronic stress weakens the immune system. If you’ve noticed more frequent colds, lingering illnesses, or flare-ups of chronic conditions, stress could be a factor.
Our bodies are designed to handle short bursts of stress. But when stress becomes ongoing, the body’s defense systems stay activated leaving fewer resources for immunity. If your health has felt more fragile lately it may not be coincidence.
10. People around you notice before you do
Sometimes the clearest signal comes from the people who know us best. A partner comments that you seem distracted. A friend says you’ve been harder to reach. A coworker asks if you’re doing okay because you seem “off.”
It can be tempting to brush off these observations, but often, others notice changes in us before we notice them ourselves. If multiple people have commented on your mood or energy lately, it’s worth pausing to reflect on whether stress might be the invisible thread.
What to do if you recognize yourself here
If you read through this list and saw yourself in several of these signs, you’re not alone. Stress is nearly universal, but awareness is the first step in managing it. Here are some small, accessible ways to begin easing the load:
- Check in with your body daily. Even one minute of scanning your body for tension and releasing it can make a difference.
- Build micro-breaks into your day. You don’t need a two-week vacation to recover. Even five minutes away from your desk, taking deep breaths, helps reset your nervous system.
- Prioritize restorative sleep. Protecting your bedtime routine and limiting screens before sleep can give your body the reset it desperately needs.
- Talk it out. Whether with a trusted friend or a therapist, putting words to stress helps lighten the emotional load.
- Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that struggling under stress doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.
Final Thoughts
Stress rarely announces itself with flashing lights. More often, it creeps in quietly, disguising itself as irritability, fatigue, forgetfulness, or disinterest. By learning to recognize these subtle signs, you give yourself the chance to intervene before stress takes a deeper toll.
If there’s one takeaway I want you to have it’s this: you don’t need to wait until you’re completely overwhelmed to care for yourself. Stress management isn’t about avoiding all stress, it’s about noticing when your system is carrying more than it should, and giving yourself permission to slow down, breathe, and reset.
Your body and mind are always sending you signals. The real question is are you listening?
Jessica Guobis, MA, CAADA-DP is a clinical therapist specializing in individual therapy with adults suffering with symptoms of anxiety, depression and addiction. Request an appointment with Jessica.
Jessica Guobis, MA, CAADC-DP
